A friend had never betrayed me. Never, until yesterday, when I found out that one of my friends had not been a friend to me at all but, rather an anti-friend. I was floored. Total shock and disbelief was my name. How could I have been so wrong?
It’s not like I was too trusting. Quite the contrary, I was considered overly cautious, at least my mother thought so. “Like you’re the jewel of the Nile or something”, she’d say. I just believe that trust is something that you earn, that time makes a friend and, that a real friendship is like diamonds: forever.
I guess I should have seen it coming. My friend and I had been fighting for months. Little differences, looked past or overlooked in the beginning, over the past few months, became hard to ignore. We just argued, over everything but, I thought that underneath it all there was love and trust. So, I ignored the change in our relationship and treated them like a distant relative whom I love but can’t stand to be around.
Maybe that was my first mistake. Friendships, unlike family, are not forever. They limits and are based on mutual respect and the choice to act like a friend. If two people like each other and trust each other, they are friends. Two people who fight all the time and act like they hate each other’s guts are not friends; they are related.
Yet still, up until yesterday, I maintained that my friend and I deeply cared for each other and that, no matter what we might say, we would never do anything to hurt one another.
Wrong I was.
Although I could never do anything to hurt my friend, betray their trust or jeopardize the thing they valued most, my friend could and did. Apparently, among the “little differences” overlooked when we met was deceit and duplicity. I’d been had. The whole while I’m thinking I can trust my friend with my secrets, few and precious as they are, my friend is thinking of how best to exploit those secrets. They used every sketchy thing I ever did and every mean thing I ever said when I was angry to turn all my friends against me. I couldn’t believe this guy.
There are a lot of reason a friend can turn on you. It could be resentment, boredom, or just plain detestation. My “friend” saw me as the cause for all their problems. It seemed to them that it was my fault that they were unhappy. They felt that if they could take from me what they wanted, they would be happy. I wonder if it worked out the way they planned. It certainly seems like they have gotten what they wanted but I wonder if hurting me brought the joy they thought it would. Are they happy now?
Most likely, yes. They are quite happy. My reputation, if not ruined, is now deeply dented with and I have a lot of explaining to do to some very important people. They are probably pretty satisfied with themselves. That feeling however, is fleeting. That happiness was won through lies and backstabbing, actions not only morally reprehensible but, known to cause acne. Sure they’ll be laughing, laughing all the way to the Pro-Activ kiosk at the mall.
Its hard to say how to pick your friends. Obviously, I haven’t gotten it down to a science. I can tell you this though, a friend doesn’t fight with you all the time or make you feel bad about yourself. A friend is someone who you can trust, who makes you feel glad to be yourself, and who would never talk behind your back. My mom told me that if I can say I had five good friends in my lifetime, I would have lived a good life. Even though I am one short now, it’s still a good life.
