ATTITUDE ANONYMOUS: 12 STEPS TO RECOVERY

The first step is admittance.

My name is Jasmine and I have an attitude problem. We all do sometimes, right? Especially when the red dragon comes each month and breaths fire out my mouth, I can be a little testy. PMS gets a pass; we’re here to talk about the other 25 days on the calendar.

Let me briefly clarify what an “attitude problem” is for those of you who are unaware of the characteristics and/or behaviors associated with this condition and for those of you who are in denial and think that eye rolling and hair tossing add to your allure. They do not. You have an attitude problem when you don’t have anything nice to say but you say it anyway. You have an attitude problem when the temperature drops 3 degrees when you enter a room. If your friends would describe you as an “ice queen” you have an attitude problem.

The second step is believing you can change.It is not a part of your personality. It’s not your humor. It’s not funny or charming. Sometimes, bad habits stick around for so long they almost become apart of you but they’re not you. They’re just bad habits. Being rude is a bad habit. Sarcasm is a bad habit. Name-calling, tantrums, bad-language, bullying, gossiping, and mocking are all BAD HABITS. We are not our bad habits. You’re not evil, you’re not mean, you just say evil and mean things and there is a difference there! We can fix one.


The third step is choosing.I have an attitude. I realize that I can fix my attitude but, now I have to decide to change, I hate change. I think this is the hardest part because, even though I know that I’ll be better off without my attitude some good will be lost with the bad. For starters, I think its kind of funny…in a mean sort of way. All jokes aside, bringing yourself to clean your room is one thing but cleaning out your head is quite another. It’s important to be realistic about the she-devil that’s renting out your head and what’s going to go when you evict her. Maybe you won’t be the center of attention. Maybe there’ll be less to say but, as Ronan Keating said, “You say it best when you say nothing at all.”


The fourth step is taking inventory.It’s time to sit yourself down and figure out what’s wrong. What’s really wrong not what you’re kidding yourself into thinking is wrong. Make a “Not So Nice” list of all the things you do that well, aren’t so nice. Keep in mind that when we’re talking about a nasty attitude we’re talking about rude comments, comebacks, and sarcastic jokes. Saying things under your breath, grimacing looks, sticking out your tongue are all things that would go on this list. Be honest with yourself here. If you think it’s mean, you’re probably right. Since you’re in the writing spirit, now would be a good time to write down those individuals who are most affected by your behavior. It could be your mom, dad, or even your best friend. These lists will help you with future steps.


The fifth step is judging yourself.We are already our own worst critics and that’s what makes the fifth step so hard. You’ve made your lists but now it’s time to read them back and honestly admit where you went wrong. Now, one mustn’t get carried away with character assassination. Remember, you are not your bad habits. Accept your past behavior as wrong and move on. Don’t beat yourself up over every snide remark.

The sixth step getting ready.It’s totally understandable to be a little hesitant about making a change in your life. Change never comes easy but it always comes. The good part about this change is that you’ve come to it on your own. You know that sometimes you behave badly and you want to fix that, right? If not, go back and read steps one through five again.

The Seventh Step Is Saying SorryRemember that list you wrote of the people who you hurt by being a meanie? Well, it’s time to go to those people, one by one, and tell them that you’re sorry for hurting their feelings. For most people It’s hard say you’re sorry when you really are but it’s not as bad as it seems. I was surprised how forgiving my loved ones were. The people that love you will be happy to hear what you have to say, all you have to do is build up the nerve.

The Eighth step is meaning itThere is a big difference between saying you’re sorry and meaning it. After you apologize think about what that apology means. Really, it means that from now on you’re not going to do the mean things you used to because, you acknowledge how hurtful your actions have been to your loved ones. You’ve made up but, now its time to make it up. When I apologized to one of my friends for being insensitive to her struggle with chocolate she forgave me immediately so quickly, that I took the forgiveness for granted thinking that all I needed to do when I offended her was apologize. However, that strategy failed quickly when my friend, chocolate addicted as she was, saw through my fake apologies. Meaning your sorry also means you’ll try your hardest not to do whatever it is that you did, again. So when you say you’re sorry. Mean it.

The ninth step is proving yourselfThe hardest people to apologize to are the people who you love the most. In my case it was my parents. Even though I was sorry, and I told them that I knew I was wrong they just wouldn’t believe me. They said that actions spoke louder than words and that if I really wanted to be different, I would be. They were completely right. Building back someone’s trust in you takes time and a great deal of hard work on the guilty party. I had to prove to my parents, through my actions everyday, that I wanted to be a different, nicer and more loving daughter to them. Its not so hard once you see how happy it makes them.

The tenth step is weighing inI did it. I changed and I never thought I could. I thought that all that sarcasm and eye rolling was a part of me, woven into the fabric of who I was. I thought it would be impossible to change something that made who I am. I didn’t think it would happen but I made it happen. I made the decision and I made a promise to my friends and family and to myself that I would be nice. It took me a while to build up the courage to come face-to-face with the mean things I have done but I did face them. It took time to apologize to my friends and family and to prove to them that I had changed but, I did change and now I am different. I am nice.

The eleventh step is a round of applauseIt takes a lot of strength to change. Most don’t even have that much strength. It’s not easy to look at yourself and find something wrong. I know, I’ve been there. Nobody said it would be easy but you did it and that means that you are stronger than most! Give yourself a round of applause!

The twelfth step is helping othersHip-Hop philosopher Tupac Shakur once said, “I may not change the world, but I will set the spark off in the mind that does." Now that you have the strength and the wisdom to know that people can change, encourage those around you to work on themselves. If you see someone fighting the inner fight you once fought with your attitude, help him or her out. Tell them your story and how you overcame the mean girl you once were. Who knows, you may spark the change?

HOW TO NOT BE SPITEFUL

Ladies, we have come along way in society. It is the 21st century, and we must now conquer what may be the toughest of our many obstacles: How NOT to be the spiteful ex. But you’re not the spiteful ex, right? Your friends are but not you, right? Right.

Break-ups suck. They just do. They’re messy and complicated. It is as if suddenly your life is full of silence and loss. You follow yourself down to the deepest hells of your imagination. You cry. You try to make sense of it all. “Why?” We all say it. We all do it. Why? Because break-ups suck. They just do. However, there comes a point where you throw down the Kleenex and with blazing glory comes the anger. Oh, the anger! Out of nowhere “It’s all his fault!” You don’t cry anymore, you scream! You’re filled with venom. I was too, so I went for broke.

Good Ex Rules

Rule 1: Get rid of reminders of him. Throw away all photos, love letters, and movie ticket stubs. Not the jewelry though, those were gifts, right? If you can’t stand to trash the goods make an “ex-box”. Put the tokens of his former affections in a shoebox and tuck it deep (very deep) inside your closet. Out of sight; out of mind, right? Right.

Rule 2: Leave him alone. You have to. I know how hard this rule is but you just have to. Men are like rubber bands. If they are truly yours they will eventually return. Calling, e-mailing, and text messaging him all the time won’t bring him back. If you’re checking his twitter page more than 3 times a day, you’re torturing yourself. Take a deep breath and un-follow the guy.

Rule 3: Leave his friends alone. It is a tricky thing being friends with your ex’s friends. But, you have to remember that at the end of the day they’re his friends. Their loyalty is to him and you are only straining your ex’s relationship with his friend by putting him in the middle. If you’re truly trying to get on with your life, having that constant reminder of your ex is not going to help you do it.

Rule 4: Don’t hate his new girlfriend. He is allowed to date other people! You’re not his girlfriend anymore and she is. He is hers, and you have to accept it. It’s not her fault you two broke up (unless it is in which case Rule 4 does NOT apply). Be polite. Being rude to her definitely won’t put you in your ex’s good graces. Being petty doesn’t show conviction.

Rule 5: Get a Life. That was harsh to say, I know. You may still have a life after a break-up but, if that’s the case what are you so mad about? If you think your ex is such scum why do you want him back?

At a loss? I was too.

That said, you should be halfway to recovery and the nearest party!

At the end of the day I like to go by the saying “Resentment is letting someone you hate, live rent free in your heart.” Letting go is hard for every one, hell I’ve been the crazy ex before but, I remembered that I wasn’t loving my ex-boyfriend by wishing bad things would happen to him. I wasn’t caring for him by wanting him to feel pain. So, I let him go, and I received his equal. This is boring you though, right? Because you’re not the crazy ex, right? Your friends are but not you, right? Right.